I am a girl in contemplation. I was thinking about what to write on the “about” part of my blog, and in doing so, I started another unnecessary contemplation which I will gladly talk about on this page. I am always in confusion about what I should write, whether I should express my true feelings and opinions, what I should say, what I should wear, what I should look like….

There’s always a side that tells me what I prefer and what I don’t. But there’s always that other side that tells me the exact opposite, often times the side that is accepted by the norm of the society, or what the media portrays as the “right way”. I don’t know. What I say will always be judged by someone other, either that be a teacher, a student, an innocent passerby on the Internet, and such. My genuine response to that problem is probably, “Oh, who cares what they think.” But the very worst part of the ‘genuine response’ is the fact that I have no idea if my ideas are genuine, or if it is eroded and intoxicated by what others say and do. I am like a suction or a sponge that takes up whatever other people have said and done; I have no unique quality left me in that I can express. But if I do, that specialty is quickly beaten the crap out by either the school or the society, or better yet, parents.

Who knows. Who knows what I think. That’s why I am in contemplation, and I hope you can also help me fight out of this unnecessary cognitive process that I have to go through.